In order to have any appreciation for this page, you must take yourself back to a Pre-Iraq mentality. Back before our elected and appointed officals, in the United States of America, so badly betrayed the trust we have historically given them to protect our honor and integrity in their handling of the Abu Graib, Guantanamo bay and countless other abuses against humanity. The prep on this page was meant to be shocking and amusing. Thanks to our representatives actions (or in-action, as the case may be), these bits are not shocking any longer. And no longer amusing, even to me. I leave them here as disturbingly cold reality, though I didn't intend reality; I meant to disturb...now i just feel cold.

Please consider this before proceeding.

And remember, Mean People Suck!

-Lucas Foxx

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007 bed
This is not the version of this script that went to air. I have recently found the Air-Check and will transcribe it eventually.

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AirCheck Available upon request
Meanwhile, the CIA prepares for a next phase in its war on terrorism on the ground, and the issue of torture has inevitably come up. It's kind of a political hot potato in Washington., as you can imagine.

I figure: they are going to drag my American brothers behind their German made trucks like they did in Somalia. So, F### them!

Now, it seems that the agency is now short of agents who know how to torture or to extract information. The Company had lots of guys in the 60's and 70's Weren't the 70's a DRaG, man?(John Lennon) who probably enjoyed their jobs a little TOO MUCH STEVE CRAZY LAUGH!!!' in Central and South America. Hawaiian music upThey are all now retired and spending their remaining years reminicing about the good old days,SCREAMS.

007 bed up
Now the agency is trying to redevelop and retrain agents in rough interrogation techniques. Among them are the use of high-decibel music, and recordings of dying people and animals. Here I gotta a song for youBRITNEY SINGS Have you heard the new Britney Spears cover of This Joan Jett Classic?

Guaranteed to kill a mule in 5 minutes >>tick alarm donkey body drop<< If they like that, I have lots more.

If they don't want to answer the questions we're giving them, Then lets ask them some diffent questions.


Like, "why is it that you are not supposed to reach into a washing machine before it stops spinning?" Washing Machine twist break

Or how about this one? "You know, I used to hate it when my mom washed my mouth out with soap. You know why?" "No?" >>hamughfth!<<BUBBLES

Or, "what happens if you stick your hand in a blender while it's running?" blender grind scream

Yeah, I got some questions they can answer.

"Does it hurt when I do that?"whipcrack

"Okay, I won't do that."

"How about this, punch how does that feel?"


My supervisors from the CIA will pop in on me to check on my progress.

They'll be like, "good God, Lucas! What did you do to him?">>drip<<

And I'll be like, "well, I don't know, Chief. It looks like he was attacked by a rabid Foxx!>>growl<<

Three Britons and a colleague were beheaded after bin Laden paid their captors £21million. Darren Hickey, 26, Rudi Petschi, 42, Peter Kennedy, 46, and New Zealander Stan Shaw, 58, were kidnapped in October 1998 installing a phone system in Chechnya.

How Taliban tortured innocent=> TWO Northern Alliance fighters in Shindand demonstrate the falaka, one of the torture instruments used by the Taliban on innocent Afghans. The thick post with bars is capable of trapping the feet of up to ten prisoners, whose soles where flayed with a length of cable. A truck driver called Golahmad, who was arrested by the Taliban on suspicion of spying, said: "I received the falaka five to ten times a day. Any guard who felt like it would come along and beat us."

Methods of Execution

Hanging Hanging is one of the oldest execution methods and is still in use today. Though it is not a simple as it sounds. Executioners really had to plan out a hanging using principles of physics and biology, since if the rope was the wrong length for the size of the person, major problems could result. >>THUD<<

Beating over the head with a rock: Probably THE oldest form of execution.>>WHACK<<

Burned at the Stake:
Popular during the Inquisition for heretics, witches, and uppity women.

>>AFGANWOMEN<<

The Wheel: A victim is laid down on top of it like a turn table. As the wheel was turned, their victims used iron bars and sticks and such to break the bones in the victims body. Nowadays it's "2 turntables and a Microphone." Back then it was "1 turn table and some sticks and stones."

After the Bronze age and the development of Swords and other sharp objects

Beheading: A, usually hooded, executioner chops off the person's head. Quite trendy in England in the 1500-1600's. The axe used for the last beheading in 1747 can be viewed at the Tower of London. >>CHOP<<

Drawn and Quartering: The person is carved into pieces while alive. It was often combined with hanging and used for extremely serious crimes such as high treason, where mere hanging alone was not enough. This became much more entertaining once we domesticated the horse! >>HEYA!/horse/stretch<<

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Iron Maiden: If you had a little $money$ Female effigies constructed of wood >>woodboard/chain<< or iron with the inside hollowed out. They were then filled with sharp iron spikes. The offender placed inside, they would then be embraced by the iron maiden, being impaled by all the stakes. It was called an "Iron MAIDEN for obvious reasons.>>crunchScream<<

The Guillotine In 1789, Dr. Joseph Guillotin proposed that all criminals should be executed by the same method. Since decapitation was generally accepted as the least painful human execution method at the time, Guillotin suggested that a decapitation machine be built. It was widely used during the French Revolution.>>guiotine<<

.No $ !

If you didn't have any $money$ ; You were stuck with:

Hanging Hanging is one of the oldest execution methods and is still in use today. The electric chair was proposed as an alternative to hanging, which usually ended up in a painful and agonizing death. Technically, this might cost money. You do need a strong rope of some kind. If what you are using as a rope breaks, it is just going to piss the guy off. And then he is going to choke the life out of you with his bare hands.

>>>>>> which, by the way, doesn't cost anything at all<<Ka-ching>>>>

Disembowelment:
The victim's torso is split open and the entrails are removed.

Wouldn't they be "out-trails" if they are lying at your feet? >>skewerslim·i·ness<<

Beating over the head with a rock: Probably THE oldest form of execution, right after just plain choking the life out of someone with your bare hands, of course.

Modern Methods

Lethal Injection
The most popular method used today in America. Known to prisoners as "the ultimate high." >>drip<<

Electric Chair: >>Zap<<

 

Future Methods

Firing into the SUN >>SLINGLETFLY/meteor<<

Spaced in an openned Air-Lock: >>airlock?whumpf<<

 It's a sad thing, but as technology advances, and we find there are new things out there that will kill us, there are people that will use those things to kill us. -Lucas Foxx